All New Reality Show: You Being You“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” ~Raymond Hull Have you ever met a person that doesn’t seem to care what other people think of them? They do not seem to mind if people know their flaws or blunders. They just present themselves the way they really are. What I have noticed is how popular these people are. It seems that it is very attractive to be real and fully human. They break the mold of what everyone thinks is acceptable and become someone who is original. As a therapist, I have the amazing privilege to walk with people on their journey of healing, struggle and growth. One aspect of those journeys that is striking is the issue of being authentic. The conversation doesn’t start there, but as we untangle their story we discover a core sense of rejection. Due to individual circumstances, they felt rejected growing up, reject themselves now and assume rejection from people they come into contact with. To some extent this happens to all of us. None of our parents were able to love us perfectly and we feel that there are some conditions or standards to live up to in order to be fully accepted. All of us want to feel accepted and loved, so a survival instinct kicks in. We try to determine what someone would accept or love and we put on that persona. In some shape or form we become inauthentic. But being inauthentic separates us. It is great at protecting us from being truly known and vulnerable to rejection, but it kills intimacy. Without being truly known our relationships are shallow and leaves us feeling unloved. Any love or acceptance we receive feels empty because it was in response to the persona or performance we put on, not who we really are. But many of the people I have worked with this year saw the trade-off of safety versus authentic relationships was not working. One woman, fearing rejection, risked being herself and expressing her true desires with the man she was dating – even after being single for so long. One man confronted friends who were just using him and not honoring their friendship. Another had an honest talk with his boss about what he wants changed and how he wants to be treated. All of these people took the risk in facing their fears of rejection and put themselves forward. It was very exciting to watch as they began to experience true relationships and discover who they really are. They begin to feel love from others, begin to love themselves and when they start to really get what God’s love is really like – look out! |
